


You and I

by harryendous



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Feelings, Hallucinations, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Drugs, Triggers, a bit twisted, slight larry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-11 07:18:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11143539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harryendous/pseuds/harryendous
Summary: He never knew what he was missing until he found her. She was still wearing the bracelet from the hospital. He still had track marks from the night before.





	1. Chapter 1

I had been staring at him for over an hour now, my eyes glued to him the very moment he entered the train and took the seat next to me. My eyes flickered from the book that I was reading back to him, it was my very attempt to imprint his face to mind. From amongst the people he came with, he stood out the most. Maybe it was the way he carried himself; the way he just seem to make himself small despite his huge figure, just so that he would blend in with everyone and remain unnoticed. I wasn't sure. But I was drawn to him.

I was reading a book that someone left on the subway earlier this week. My breath was becoming laboured and my eyes were starting to water. I already knew how the story was going to end as I've read it the nth time this week, but that didn't stop my emotions from acting up. I bit onto the dead skin of my thumb as my eyes skimmed over the words on the page.

My grip tightened around the cover and I moved my legs up onto my chair so I was sitting on them to which I immediately regretted. The plastic seat was cold. And I had forgotten that I wasn't wearing any pants, the clothes that I was wearing were the only ones that I brought and those were the only ones that were given to me when I was discharged. I pulled my skirt over my knees so I didn't accidentally flash anyone. My thumb went back into mouth and I started to chew on the dead skin, tearing off small pieces.

The subway stopped and the doors slid open. Most of the people in the car got off and another load got on. I glanced up from the page to see who was accompanying me. The crowd slowly thinned out as they found a place to settle on. I grew nervous as the loud chatter from the new crowd broke the silence in the train. I ran my fingers through my hair, which felt like dog hair because of the black dye I doused it with, and bit my bottom lip. I took my focus back on what I was reading and tried my hardest to drown out the noise.

I heard the chair creak as someone sat next to me. My eyes flicked to the seat next to me, which was now being occupied by a man. I stared at him discreetly, taking in his appearance. Judging from the way he sat, he was tall and slender; but it was clear that he was trying to sink in to himself. His hands were in his pockets and his head was hanging down to his lap. He was taking deep breaths and couldn't stop shivering, even though he was wearing a pretty thick jacket and the compartment was a comfortable eighty degrees. His bleached blond hair was covering his face and from what I could see, his skin looked like it hadn't seen the sun in years. He was perfect.

Mustering up all the courage I could get, I took a deep breath and fully faced him. "Hi," I held out my arm for him to shake. My eyes widened in panic as as my sleeve slipped down my arm. I quickly pulled it back down, hoping that he didn't notice.

"I'm Thea," I continued when I was sure that my sleeve would stay in place. "What's your name?"

He cracked one eye open and looked at me. His pupils were huge; dilated. It was hard to what colour his eyes were because most of the colour was taken up by his pupils. But, from the small line of colour surrounding the black, I was pretty sure that his eyes were blue. A very dark ocean blue.

"Niall." He responded with a thick accent. His eyes found my hand and he was staring at it quite long. He was slow pulling his hand out of his jacket pocket; the sleeve of it riding up his arm as he stretched it out, revealing his skin. I was blatantly staring at all the open sores he had; if he was bothered, he didn't say anything or it just didn't seem to faze him at all. It was like he'd been attacked by something, or someone. I should be disgusted or scared, but I wasn't. I was fascinated by him, the scars only added character. Niall took hold of my hand, his bony fingers wrapping around my palm.

"Nice to meet you, Niall." I pulled my hand back, giving him a small smile. He smiled back, his eyes flickering to the book on my lap and then back to me. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but then quickly closed it. A moment of silence fell between us. Him staring at his hands like they held answers and me staring at him, drinking in his every feature. A few minutes have passed before he faced me again.

"Nice to meet you, too, Thea," he finally replied. His hand going back to his pocket. "What are you reading?" He smiled softly, but I think that it was more meant for him than me. It seems that he was proud of himself. But for what?

I held the book up so that he could read the spine. "It's not mine. I found it on the subway earlier this week." I admitted sheepishly, setting it back down on my lap. I grabbed the old zarf that I was using as a bookmark and put it in the book to mark my spot. "So when are you going to invite me over?" I asked, setting my hands on my lap. I was kind of excited that I actually made a friend. It's been too long. Too long.

"W-what?" He sputtered, doing a double-take. "I'm sorry, but, what?" He cocked his head to the side and frowned to himself, clearly bewildered by my bluntness. His once soft eyes hardened. He groaned to himself and pulled both of his hands from his pockets. He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at them in the process. I was starting to grow wary myself. I didn't mean to make him panic. I reached out my hand to touch him, hoping it would calm him down. I thought nothing better of it and pulled my hand back. It might make him worse rather than comfort him. I snorted to myself; the image of him jumping and hissing like a cat conjuring up my in head.

He stared back at me, eyes squinted and he kept on shaking his head. "I'm sorry. But did I? Did we? What?" He asked, disbelief colouring his tone. He whispered something to himself before staring at the floor of the train, like it contained every answer he was looking for. He lifted his shaking his hands up to his hair and started pulling on the ends.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." I apologized, feeling a tinge of embarrassment coloring my cheeks red. "I've been told that I'm headstrong and blunt. Along with having borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, delusions, and being extremely honest."

He looked at me. And all I could think about was how beautiful his eyes were, how mesmerizing they were. He opened his mouth and then closed it. A small hesitant laugh escaping his lips, "Um..yeah. Do we know each other?" He sounded disoriented. He let out a harsh breath and moved his head back, thudding faintly when it made contact with the metal walls of the cart.

"I'm too," He took a deep breath in, closing his eyes. "I'm too high for this."

"You don't know me."

"Are you real?" He cracked one eye open, and lazily turned his head towards my direction.

"Yes." I smiled. Maybe I didn't ruin things for us, after all. There still might be hope.

"Why do you want to come over?" He frowned at me. "I've brought home hallucinations before, but most of them never actually asked to come over, they just follow me."

"Can I come over?" I asked again.

"Yeah, if you want." He ran his hand through his hair and let out a long breath "I don't know why would you even want to. I don't have much to offer."

"Do you have a bed?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Then you have a lot to offer."


	2. Chapter 2

She was absolutely glowing. Thea was beaming and staring at Niall like he just offered her a ticket to heaven or something. He was almost positive she was a hallucination. No one in their right mind would want to follow him home, not with his appearance. Granted, she did ask for an invitation; something that most of his hallucinations don't bother with.

Nonetheless, Niall wasn't about to throw her out. Even if she practically invited herself in. He liked her, and she reminded me of a fairy:small with short brown hair and a high, musical voice. The only thing missing was the wings. Maybe if he tried hard enough, it would be possible for him to imagine one for her. A big pair, too, just so she could take him away with her when she flies away.

The city was busy this Sunday evening, and Niall found himself craning his neck to see over seas of people. People moved in different directions, to different destinations. To him, it felt like he was the only one in the streets. Bar Thea beside him, who was completely content with giving him blatant stares and quick smiles whenever he meets her eyes. Niall looked around his surroundings, and all he saw were people together- couples, old and new; friends, clustered together, laughing and conversing; families with children from teenagers to toddlers.

 

In the sea of people, no one seemed to notice them, everyone too lost in their own bubble that was life. Nobody spared him a glance, even if they came to bump into him. And if someone did, they'd clutch their bags tighter to their bodies, or they'd give Niall a look. Either pity or disgust, he wasn't really sure. He just turns up his nose and give them a taunting smirk of his own. As if he'd steal anything from them, he's a drug addict not a robber. Niall doesn't let it affect him too much, it was nothing out of the ordinary. He was getting used to it, as much as how sad it sounds.

Thea and Niall moved past the busy road and straight into an alleyway; a shortcut towards his house. This part was more isolated, especially when it's nearing dawn. People were more cautious in this part of town since it's really dark. The streetlights flicker as they turned a corner, illuminating the abandoned street. His fingers tremble against his palms and he looks up, stars shining bright. If he squints, he can almost make out the belt of Orion.

"Niall."

Niall jumps, the jacket cutting off the circulation in his arms for a second as he pulls it tighter in reflex. He glanced at Thea, only then feeling the slight tug she was causing at the hem of his shirt. She was staring at something straight ahead, and she seemed afraid. Niall followed her gaze until it landed on a guy leaning against a brick wall, hands stuffed in the pockets of his leather jacket as he watched them from afar. Niall shifted under the scrutiny, feeling the guy's leering eyes track their every move. He's tempted to tuck Thea under his arm just so the stranger's eyes wouldn't see even an inch of her. But Niall didn't. Instead, he clutched his sleeves tighter into his fists, fighting every urge to touch the girl beside him. They both sighed in relief as the guy kicked his feet off the wall, and moved his way towards the busy streets. Niall kept his gaze on the man's eyes. He gave him a look that meant that he wasn't one to be messed with. In his world, you have to protect everything what's yours, and right now, Thea was his. He had no right to claim possession of her but if it meant protecting innocent girls with captivating eyes, then so be it. Niall felt his body going rigid as the man's arm brushed against his. He clenched his jaw, resisting the will to bare his teeth at him. Sensing the tension, and most likely taking joy out of it, the man gave him an unnerving smile before turning on his back and whistling a gleeful tune.

Niall felt Thea's clutch on his jacket go slack once the man's figure disappeared right around the corner. Thea gave him a smile, one that made his lips twitch in return. It was unusual how she can switch moods in a blink of an eye, yet it was quite adorable.

"Come on," he murmured.

 

It was a fact that Niall invited Thea in his home without any hesitation at all; and it's also a fact that there was not an ounce of regret in his mind about his decision. Now that they were standing at the very front door of his home, Niall felt the uneasiness take over his body. He wasn't worried about Thea doing anything bad at all, Heavens no. He was more nervous by the state of his house alone, it was pretty clear that Niall wasn't so used to having visitors frequently. In his grandmother died, he spent his days in the comfort of her house. If he thought about it hard enough, he can still remember that citrusy scent of her home. His grandmother always told him that a home represents and reflects a person's whole being, and it showed from the decorations to how it was kept. He had felt the need to apologize to Thea, but wasn't exactly sure of it. It's not like she was going to be around for much longer. I'd give her a couple of hours, Niall thought, maybe a good night's sleep before she went back to wherever she came from.

He had to swallow a lump that formed in his throat. Seeing Thea standing in the middle of his living room stirred feelings inside of him that were pretty much foreign to him. Ever since his life had gone downhill, the relationship he had with his family and friends had pretty much dwindled. And here he was, in his mid-twenties spending most of his nights alone, living in the company of his mistakes and his hallucinations. Having Thea as a companion after months of solitary made Niall remember all the memories he had forgotten. He had been a shitty person towards those who cared about it, and maybe by conjuring up hallucinations of innocent women is how his fucked up brain brought revenge upon him. Niall liked this hallucination. He didn't want her to leave. He wondered if there was a way that she could come back to him. He thought about taking a drug strong enough to trick his brain into believing that she was the only hallucination he was allowed to have. Maybe wishful thinking could bring her back. He didn't dwell much on his thoughts. If his mind decided to torture him with something as beautiful as this, he might as well bask in it.


End file.
